The New American Dream
Pathological miscreancy has replaced entrepreneurship as the American Dream. In ATL this week we saw the latest dream play out, at public expense and in prime time.
Jennifer Wilbanks, the Runaway Bride(tm), announced that she had signed a book deal and exclusive interview deal with NBC to spill her guts to Katie Couric. The excerpts of her babble along the lines of "it was the best mistake I ever made" and the barefaced craven-ness of it all gave right-thinking persons a burning case of agita. Government officials were outraged, hoping their histrionics would paper over the fact that they were bullrushed by Wilbanks' legal team and signed off on a particularly cheap and easy slap on her tennis bracelet encrusted wrists. Everyone was relieved last week at Jenny's contrite court appearance and news that she would pay a 13k fine and be counseled about her rash ways. It was just another variation on her previous two shoplifting convictions, another mulligan for another dysfunctional upper middle class women with a sociopathic tic. The three time loser ascendant.
She wore her engagement diamond and her running suit to court. She was sending us all a signal. Next she fired the pastor who had represented her to the press and signed on with a crackerjack agent who has now paved the way to national TV time and a gravy train that surely awaits on Oprah, et al.
I was taught by Aesop and my parents that crying wolf was one of the worst things you can do. Crying rape isn't very nice, either. Certainly not something we would be rewarding unless the culture is rottener than a wino's teeth. I hope Jenny chokes on her ill-gotten gain, and that Katie Couric gets crabs from the whole thing.
She could have a payday larger than her wildest imagination if she charged people a dollar a throw to stone her.
Posted by:Art | June 18, 2005 at 05:42 PM
In Hollywood, she'll become a babysitter and surrogate mom for Michael Jackson's kids when he's off at Neverland, not sleeping with boys.
She'll be asked her opinion about the recent break-up of Brad and Jen, the future break-up of Tom and Katie and will offer running commentary on each episode of Desperate Housewives. Celebrity Poker will book her for an episode to further play out the theme of the biggest gamble of her life. She'll put in time as a celebrity judge on a cable show, will tape a mid-season replacement sitcom with Lorenzo Llamas (he's the hot-headed Latin lover and she's just trying to get away), and finally, she'll appear on Animal Planet with her fiance firmly tied to the end of his leash.
The most painful slap of all will be when Ryan Seacrest doesn't interview her for anything.
Posted by:Vermont Neighbor | June 18, 2005 at 10:46 PM
Agita? Agitprop.
Posted by:skidoo | June 19, 2005 at 08:24 PM
If someone slapped her hard enough, I bet her eyeballs would pop out.
Posted by:sugarmama | June 20, 2005 at 04:48 PM