What Are YOU Doing For The Daytona 500?

2005 DAYTONA 500

GROUND ZERO KASHOUT

Paint Swappin' Guidelines

Winner Takes All (Cash Only)

-To Totally Humiliate Your Opponent... -  Doctor HP Flowers

KashOut Koncept

Before the race begins, KashOut participants, hopefully intoxicated, will take turns picking Daytona 500 drivers from the starting field - - especially young guns likely to end up in an inferno of carnage. Each driver must be bought; cost equals one dollar donated to the winners circle.  Once selected, a driver shall be removed from the starting field and added to the purchasing participants team'.  All driver selections must be completed by race time.

KashOut participants must begin the race with an equal number of choices which, collectively, should account for about half the starting field leaving behind an uninteresting residue of castoffs including jackasses, hasbeens, wife beaters, culls, Morgan Shepard, and other neerdowells -- i.e., the losers circle.

KashOut participants must likewise finish the race with an equal number of drivers, the same number chosen initially.  Finishing positions are then summed.  The participant with the lowest (best) total finishing score wins all cash contributions to the winners circle.  He or she with the highest total finish (worst) wins the sucker prize provided by some sanctimonious, but generous, philanthropist.

Green Flag Specials

To add interest to the KashOut the following spontaneous diversions will be allowed and encouraged:  (1) driver trading between participants costing one dollar each (a total of two dollars); and, (2) driver trading between a participant and the losers circle costing two dollars per trade.  In the event that more than one participant wishes to purchase the same driver from the losers circle they shall bid for that choice.   All transactions, in cash dollars, shall be added immediately to the winners circle (that's without delay).

-->  Note:   trades and transactions will NOT be permitted during the last 25 laps.

Yellow Flag Specials

Who picks first.  Prior to the race The House will pass a Red Line Oil cap containing slips of paper with picking order numbers: 1, 2, 3, ....  Each participant will draw a single slip from the cap for picking order.  The holder of number #1 picks first, then two, and so on.

How many picking rounds.  It depends on the number of participants.  The number of rounds should be small enough to ensure that about one-half the field remains unchosen.  In this way, the losers circle (the unchosen field)  will surely contain surprise performances and thereby trading opportunities -- drivers that move up in the field as the race progresses.   This will encourage participants to dip into the losers circle to discard bums and embarassments to improve  potential for winning the KashOut.  Yet, as disgusting as it may be, a disgruntled and thoroughly depressed participant may elect to dip into the losers circle for pitiful wrecks, deadbeats, or DNFs in order to guarantee the sucker prize.  (It takes all kinds to make an interesting KashOut.)

After the race.  As the exuberant winning driver and crew make fools of themselves in the winners circle, The House will tally finishing scores and hand over the winners fund to the lowest score, and the sucker prize to the highest score if still around.  All claims for damage outside the confines of the KashOut itself shall be settled in a manner determined by the UN Security Council.  The blessings of Allah, and the French, notwithstanding.

Responsibilities of The House

The House shall provide a driver display board for easy viewing.  The display will contain stickums with driver name and starting position.  As drivers are chosen the stickum is removed from the starting field and placed on the participants score card.   All participants should be able to size up the race and the competition by glancing at the display board or individual score cards.  The House shall insure that participants do not steal or hide drivers from view thereby compromising the opportunity of others to make reasoned and, tho always risky, toe-headed judgements.   The House is not responsible for any muddled, irrational, or otherwise funky move by a disoriented participant which appear baseless to any sane observer.

The House shall facilitate the development of picking orders among contestants and shall supervise each chosing round to ensure that all players receive fair treatment. The House shall manage and protect the winners fund (i.e, watch the pot).  If the House abrogates any of these responsibilities he may be derided without mercy, denied participation in any or all future KashOut events, or at least buy the pizza for the forseeable future.  The House shall closely watch the Parliamentarian.

Responsibilities of the Parliamentarian.

The Parliamentarian shall be elected prior to the race by majority vote among participants.  The Parliamentarian shall clarify and interpret all rules and guidelines for the Ground Zero Kashout and shall adjudicate any disputes that arise between or among contestants over the rules and guidelines.  Disputes that arise from other causes are not the responsibility of the Parliamentarian. The Parliamentarian shall closely watch The House.

Red Flag Specials

-->  Note:   Secret deals are forbidden.

-->  Note:   Property damage and trashing Ground Zero are restricted.

-->  Note:   Bad behavior among drivers like rubbin, paint swappin, giving the finger, calling one anothers wives Hoes, shall have no effect on the Ground Zero Kashout.  Uncivilized behavior between and/or among Kashout contestants like bad mouthing, name calling, puking, and all other forms of reprehensible conduct will be ignored.

-->  Note:   Any rule may be changed at any time by unanimous consent.

-->  Note:  May the winner, excepting The House, choke on his ill-gotten winnings.

Comments

[Dixie Butcher]

Awesome. It's a shame we have no racing fan friends who live nearby who can come to our house to play. Oh sure, we have friends who would come over and play, but they're not racing fans. Nobody is allowed in our house on race day, unless they know when it is an appropriate time to comment, or relate a racing story. That means no talking through the good, new commercials, too.

Rankin' Rob, you will always be welcome, any given Sunday.

[rankin' rob]

On one hand the neophyte Kash Out contestant can be a tedious pain in the ass. On the other hand, you can take more of their money.

Unless they pick the correct drivers at random and then look like an expert handicapper with absolutely no knowledge. Which can be worse.